Do you have ‘stair storage’? Or coffee table chaos? Or bags hidden in cupboards with ALL kinds of unidentified things? Maybe this isn’t the situation for you but perhaps the clutter in your home presents itself in different ways. But the truth of the matter is that clutter creates mess, and when there is mess in your home, it can create feelings of failing or of being a failure. The reality is that often times the state of your home affects how you feel about yourself. And it doesn’t stop there; this fear changes and morphs, and then begins to appear in many ways when you are in the day-to-day battle of trying to keep on top of your home.
One way that fear appears is fear of feeling out of control. When your home feels out of control, you begin to feel like your life is out of control, and that is never a good place to be. Perhaps you are in that stage where you never feel on top of things, and you regret that you just can’t seem to achieve some kind of organisation. This can also lead to fear of inviting others into your home because of the embarrassment you might feel about the state it’s in. That’s when the truly awful thing starts to happen where your brain begins to think that having a messy home means that you are a bad person, bad partner or bad parent. You feel like you’re just not good enough at this impossible thing called organising, and you question why you can’t get things under control. This feeling out of control fear is one of the biggest because it attaches itself to the way you feel about yourself.
Another way fear makes you feel like a failure in a messy home is by becoming the ‘fear of the endless to-do list.’ Sometimes this shows up in the things that you see around your home, on the surfaces or piled on the floor, and sometimes it’s the invisible to-do list of all the areas in your home that you know you need to tackle but haven’t. It’s constantly there even when you are trying to relax. If this is happening to you, it’s quite possible that things have gotten to this point for a reason. Perhaps for you, having more than one thing on your to-do list seems impossible because your mind needs to focus on a specific task at a time. Or the fear might be in how long you THINK a task will take so you keep putting it off, and it gets added to the list. One further way that can contribute to the ‘list’ is the fear of wasting time. It’s possible that when you have tried to sort things out before, it’s been good for a while but then it goes back to the way it was, and you feel like you’ve wasted all that time. Either way, this fear about your endless to-do list is real, and it can hold you back from taking positive actions.
Fear of making a mistake or doing it wrong could be a further way that fear is making you feel like a failure in a messy home. It’s really tough nowadays because there are so many photos of homes that are organised perfectly, that you aspire to have for yourself, but are just not achievement in an average daily home. The fear you are feeling will have you thinking that you are going to spend ages sorting things out but that it won’t feel any better once you’ve finished. Of course, the idea of spending money on trying to sort things out and then not getting the results you wanted would also add to your fear of making a mistake when organising your home. This thought process would cause anyone to delay or put something off because there feels like there is no point in even trying.
The final way that fear has you feeling like a failure in a home of utter mess is through the fear of irresponsibility. This is often compounded by the negative feelings of guilt and shame that slink around in the background of your thoughts. There are lots of things that might be happening in your home that would be causing this fear to surface. Perhaps you are always losing things, or perhaps you have a pile of unopened mail. Maybe you’ve opened the mail but then you often forget to pay the bills. There could also be a chance that you’ve purchased something but then not taken care of it, so it has been ruined. Or this irresponsible fear could be causing worry and stress because you are struggling to return things on time whether it’s an item that has been purchased but is no longer wanted, letters that need to be send back or forms that need to be handed in. Fear of irresponsibility is sadly a huge contributor to feelings of being a failure.
Fear of failure can create the idea in your mind that you will need to take huge leaps in order to get to the end result, so it stops you from taking any of the actions needed to make changes in your home that will have you feeling better about yourself. This fear of failing can come up in many different ways when you are faced with a messy home, and it’s only through the small steps you push yourself to take, that you can make positive changes.